Some Bumps in the Road at MidLife

I've been quiet about it, preferring to pretend it hadn't got me, or at least that it wasn't bothering me. For quite a while, that was really true. I am six years past the average onset, and was feeling somewhat invincible, even immortal. There were some signs, a drenching sweat while doing a photo shoot for an annual report back in 2006; something I chalked up to thyroid issues because it only happened the one time. (and it still may have been thyroid related, these things are woven together). However, as of 2012, there is no ignoring it. The 18-wheeler truck carrying my order of menopause has run me over like a bug on the highway.

Contrary to the impression I had always had about how this "life transition" took place, things did not gently slow down to a stop. My body slammed on the brakes with little warning. After a couple of months I thought that was easy. Then truck #2 came into town, and this one was piled high with surprise gifts. First are the proverbial hot flashes, which come in two styles —drenching night sweats and desert dry day saunas. I wake up in bed, treading water in the fluids generated by my own body. Some days it actually feels like I am back in the August Arizona desert, shirtless and hatless. My skin feels as if it could burst into flames at any moment.

The second surprise is something that has been called the "menopot." Ever since having 3 C-sections, I have had the C-pot, but now, suddenly, there is a twin to it, sitting on top of it, and growing at an alarming rate. Since I've lost weight in my extremities, I find myself fast approaching a body type more suitable to an M&M. Other gifts include my thin, fine hair becoming thinner and finer while bold dark hairs have started sprouting on my cheeks and chin. It's a lovely picture isn't it? The newfound fear of shriveling up like a raisin has sent to the cosmetic counter, looking for a 55 gallon drum of something I can dip my whole body in.

Call me a vain Babyboomer if you want. But I am not going gently. I'm too busy growing, reinventing myself, and enjoying life to get stuck in traffic on Menopause Lane. This is not the end of the road, just a shift in gears.