Last night, I attended a presentation by Gail Sheehy, based on her new book, “Sex and the Seasoned Woman.” Meant to be read by those 45 and over, it debunks many of the myths about what life is like for those 50 and beyond. And since turing 50 myself recently, I have to agree, this ain’t my mother’s midlife!
The question then remains, whose midlife is, it and what exactly does that term mean? Sheehy interviewed hundreds of women across the country to write this book, which while tantalizing in its title, is more about teaching women to “live passionately” and how sex in midlife relates to that. Her talk was fascinating, both humorous and thought provoking. With the current life expectancy for women hovering at 79, it makes sense to realize there is a whole lot of living that takes place after 50.
For many of us, we have found ourselves reinventing ourselves at this age. Whether forced to by drastic life changes, or spurred by feelings of restlessness and longing, it will happen to most. For me, I just started to touch on these feelings in “I’m 50-Now What?”
I’ve seen a lot written lately about the fact that the leading edge of baby boomers turns 60 this year. While Madison Ave. still looks at the 18-35 age range as the driving force of advertising, the reality is, this large group controls most of the spending and can be a potent political force. Expecting them to “step aside” and go sit in a rocking chair in Florida just isn’t going to happen. I am a legitimate part of the baby boom, perhaps more specifically, the second wave of baby boomers. I may have been invited to join the AARP, but I really don’t see it as an organization for me, as I see a real divide between the aging baby boomers and the seniors that preceeded them – the current 70 and 80 year olds. Even the name doesn’t fit, I wonder actually how many members of the association of Retired Persons are really retired – and how many of those in the next wave of members will EVER retire.
There are those who use this time of life to transition into more meaningful work, embracing the interests and talents that many have been put aside until now. Much of what I see in print concerns well-off, highly-educated people, who after spending 30 or 40 years in the corporate world, now have nice nest eggs to fall back on. Starting a business or becoming a consultant is a viable option for them as they enter the second, or third chapter of life. In one of these articles, the author bragged about how he was done with the nice house, nice car, and nice vacations – he’s been there, done that.
But, for some of us, and I suspect more of us than these articles would like to admit, being 50 in today’s world doesn’t mean reaching some sort of golden career milestone. For a woman like me, who has large child-rearing gaps in her resume, and huge debts left over from years of raising children as a divorced mother, 50 may only be the halfway point in my worklife. The reality of still trying to catch up, still trying to “get somewhere,” means that many of us will never retire – never have the luxury of starting second careers or pursuing old interests. Not as a replacement to the 9-5, anyway. Our mortgages and debt will surely outlive us – a fact that leads me to understand why my father used to say, many years ago, that he was worth more dead than alive.
Today’s reality is that the over 50 worker still needs to think about paying down debt, keeping health insurance in force, and saving money for “someday.” Not too different than the 30 year old worker who may find herself still working in her primary career until 80. And yet, as Gail Sheehy so poignantly pointed out, we wouldn’t trade it for going back to being 35 or even 40. Becoming a “seasoned” woman means accepting the place you are at, and moving forward from there.
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